Dependency and Doubt / Reliance and Reassurance

I'm so afraid to become dependent. I am dependent on my family. I am dependent on my medication. I don't want to become dependent on anyone or anything else. (when I typed this sentence I typed won't instead of want, which to me is proof that I've built up walls in my mind) Especially when my goal this year is to become independent of these things, or at least self-dependent.

Burden.

Sounds harsh, I know, but that's how I feel. I have faith that I exist to help people. Unshakable faith in that. But I've always said, "You can't love anyone else until you've learned to love yourself." "You can't help anyone else until you've learned to help yourself." And these are both things that I struggle with. My demons are my doubts. I doubt my words. I doubt my strength. I doubt my knowledge.
I doubt myself.
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My friend Eric said to me, "Friends should be reliant on each other." And so, I compared my fear of dependence to the idea of reliance. I should absolutely allow myself to rely and trust my friends and my family. It's years of distrust that have reinforced my depression and my anxiety. A very significant goal I have set for myself this year is to understand my psyche and gain control over my anxiety and depression. In order to do this for myself (and the people whom I love, who love me) I will rely on trust (and my better judgment) to get me through my trying times.

Reassurance.

Understanding and knowing. Having faith. And not just in myself, but in the world. Living without faith will lead anyone down a treacherous path. I've lost myself enough times to know that when you become faithless, "you" becomes just as -less as your faith. Lacking faith in humanity will make you "human -less"; inhuman even. Lacking faith in your self will make you self -less (lacking self). Lacking faith in morals will lead you to amoralism. Without faith, and a constant reinforcement and reassurance of your faith, you will become nothing. I refuse to become faithless.
I refuse to become nothing.