Dependency and Doubt / Reliance and Reassurance

I'm so afraid to become dependent. I am dependent on my family. I am dependent on my medication. I don't want to become dependent on anyone or anything else. (when I typed this sentence I typed won't instead of want, which to me is proof that I've built up walls in my mind) Especially when my goal this year is to become independent of these things, or at least self-dependent.

Burden.

Sounds harsh, I know, but that's how I feel. I have faith that I exist to help people. Unshakable faith in that. But I've always said, "You can't love anyone else until you've learned to love yourself." "You can't help anyone else until you've learned to help yourself." And these are both things that I struggle with. My demons are my doubts. I doubt my words. I doubt my strength. I doubt my knowledge.
I doubt myself.
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My friend Eric said to me, "Friends should be reliant on each other." And so, I compared my fear of dependence to the idea of reliance. I should absolutely allow myself to rely and trust my friends and my family. It's years of distrust that have reinforced my depression and my anxiety. A very significant goal I have set for myself this year is to understand my psyche and gain control over my anxiety and depression. In order to do this for myself (and the people whom I love, who love me) I will rely on trust (and my better judgment) to get me through my trying times.

Reassurance.

Understanding and knowing. Having faith. And not just in myself, but in the world. Living without faith will lead anyone down a treacherous path. I've lost myself enough times to know that when you become faithless, "you" becomes just as -less as your faith. Lacking faith in humanity will make you "human -less"; inhuman even. Lacking faith in your self will make you self -less (lacking self). Lacking faith in morals will lead you to amoralism. Without faith, and a constant reinforcement and reassurance of your faith, you will become nothing. I refuse to become faithless.
I refuse to become nothing.

Success: Defining and Understanding

A while back, during one of my more down times in life, my mother came across some "Success Quotes" in one of her home magazines. She pulled them out and gave them to me, knowing that the idea of "success" (in all of its glory) was stressing me out and bringing me down. I felt like I was a failure, that I had wasted the entire twenty-one years of my life. The quotes that helped me out most were:

"Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success."- Dr. Joyce Brothers

If anyone was to tell you that you have failed (at anything) you may take it hard. When it's your own mind telling you that, though, it's something else. Other's mean words are easier to brush off, but your own adverse thoughts stay with you. Staying positive is an important key to achieving success.

"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do."- Bob Dylan

You create your own goals, your own idea of success. If I was to wake tomorrow, and say to myself "Today you will smile, laugh, love." I would absolutely go to sleep feeling my success. Say what you want to say, do what you want to do, act in today for tomorrow, saving yesterday for memories.

"Don't confuse fame with success, Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."- Erma Bombeck

I know that the majority of the population has done exactly what Erma Bombeck has told us not to do. Helen Keller was (and still is), without a doubt, famous. But her level of success is far greater than Madonna's. I, personally, would much prefer to have Helen Keller's success over Madonna's fame.

"Always aim for achievement, and forget about success."- Helen Hayes

So simple. Make goals, and aim to achieve them. Success is an idea that has been built up by years and years of media and outside influences. Take control of your own success, achieve what you want to achieve, be self-suficient and self-reliant. Never forget about your happiness.

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."- Booker T. Washington

When you look at it from this perspective, and don't negate the things you have overcome in life, you'll see how "successful" you truly are. If you're reading this, you are a success, you've made it to this point in your life. Don't deny yourself that kind of success.

All of these quotes bring up so many different ideas of success. Which proves (to me at least) that success is a state of mind, a personal belief, and there really is no single "meaning" or "act" of success.

Empowering Women

Empowering Women
"As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world."
—Virginia Woolf

Timothy Leary, known for his advocacy of psychedelic drug research and use, once said, "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." His words about women speak undeniable knowledge and truth. Women have overcome so many barriers and boundaries throughout history. We need not strive for the ever so "simple" equality.

We should be striving for our independence, respect, dignity, health, happiness, et-cetera. We should embrace our sex; our empathetic loving nurturing nature. Joan Baez (one of my favorite singer/songwriter/activist of the sixties) said, in the LA Times article of 1974 "Sexism Seen but Not Heard", "Instead of getting hard ourselves and trying to compete, women should try and give their best qualities to men- bring them softness, teach them how to cry." As a feminist, I couldn't agree more.

Feminists have been given a poor name due to their extreme and oftentimes radical exploits. But liberal feminism should change the face of that. We do not want to become like men, we want to be powerful as women. We certainly should not allow the history of prejudice to feed any sort of hate, especially hate towards our contrasting sex. Jane Galvin Lewis said, "You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman."

Women are empowered. In our minds, our hearts, and our souls. It is in our actions and our goals and successes that we need more empowerment.

CARE is an organization that is dedicated to women of the world; fighting poverty, and defending dignity. Take a few minutes today and watch the video (linked via the image below), add your name, join the cause.